This is the conversation after all the greetings and what not..
......
MOM: "Whats wrong?
ME: "I really don't think I want to be here anymore. School is so difficult! I'm not getting the language, so how am I supposed to get the subjects IN this language?? I'm so depressed. I keep wondering, 'What if I don't pass or make it??' I'll have spent so many years somewhere I don't even want to be, failing at becoming what I want to be. I'm so worried."
*Pause*
ME: "Hello?"
MOM: "What would you like to do about it then?"
ME: "Well I've been thinking, what if i just start applying for all the loans/bursaries etc. that I can get, and at the same time apply to a medical school closer to home? Most importantly I would be able to study in english. Would you and Tate (dad) be willing? Can I talk to him about it?"
MOM: "Okay, you can do that if that's what you want."
At this point in time, let us observe the following:
1. My mum talks quite a bit when she's really serious (yes, that's where i got it from) - And she wasn't saying nearly enough.
2. She wouldn't just say "okay" without making me explain really well that it's the best option - She hadn't done that.
3. If she was really being serious & empathetic, she would have resorted to using the vernacular language by now (Oshiwambo). She seems to like to joke in english.
This was weird...
ME: "So I can't?"
MOM: "I just said you can dear."
ME: "Really??"
MOM: "Mala kala ike wushi kutya...(but just know that).."
I knew it...!! There was a catch :/
MOM:... "You're taking the easy way out. Yes it might be easier, because giving up is the easiest thing in the world. Did you forget that you didn't get into med school last year? You were depressed about studying something you didn't want. And it's not easy for me as a mother to see you unhappy because you couldn't pursue your dreams. God blessed you with this opportunity, I thank him everyday for it, for not only do i know he will keep you safe but he will guide you through your biggest obstacles, but in the end, you will have pursued your dream and by his grace, will have achieved it. It takes time Ndapewa, if your heart is in it, you will understand soon enough."
I'm pretty sure you get an idea of where this conversation headed. I got off the phone feeling silly but still more encouraged then I'd been in a while. I truly believe that anything in life that's worth having is worth twice the effort, most especially our dreams. We can control our minds to settle for something else, but our hearts would always know we never tried.
"Between you & every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else."
- Brian Tracy
THIS is what my sister sent me, a day or so after my talk with my mum. A quote to please the heart & ease the mind. Anyway, I wouldn't usually share something as personal as a phone call..but I'm hoping a lot of you can relate to the main concept. Nothings really impossible...it's practically your dream speaking cryptic telling you, "i.M.possible". :D
Well, well... ain't that something. I gotta say I can relate to your experience (no, not the phone call) in that a few months into my studies here when it started getting cold and dark, I really started getting all depressed and all. Oh, yeah...talking to people back home indeed helped. Another was simply hanging with and opening up to fellow international students. It is interesting how problems seem insurmountable when we keep em to ourselves, but the moment we share, it doesn't only make it easier but it even makes us feel silly about the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteSo from me I say - come'n Pewa... you flew all those miles to get the damn degree and take care of us medically back home and all you telling us now is that you wanna quit? Nee nee... there's no better person I know who is gifted as much as you are to succeed and bring that paper home. Besides I know languages are one of your strengths (do I even know any weakness of yours?). So learning that Chinese and get on with it.
我希望你一切顺利... nge kuuviteko waalye... I Google translated waa... haha
WHAT THE FREAK!!! So, I sitting at my study-cubicle and doing a somewhat interesting english assignment, when I decided to take a break and read your blog and BINGO what you wrote about is super related to one of my essays.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the quote I am so using it in my essay. And thanks for sharing your the heart. All the best with everything!
Haha, Erkkie your chinese is on point.. I know exactly what you mean. Felt so much better after writing it.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for relating :)
我非常 感谢.
Shyviolet, I'm glad this could be of help to your assignment. And thanks, all the best to you as well.
You made me bleed from the inside, im the only person i know here in India, misunderstood by the world, struggling with an education system that i was never prepared for, and my mum also gave me the talk with the catch. stay strong and stick in there, i tell myself everyday, that we were once great people back home, and awkwardly you are one of those people i look up to, so if you can survive, then i can. :-) lil sis is waiting for you. :-D and thanks for the piece, it really hit home, even inspired me to write one of my own, i just hope you never have to read this comment.
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